Honesty

Honesty.

It isn’t just about telling the truth. The recipient of that truth also has agency in the matter. Few of us think about it this way, but I’m here to remind myself that I have a role to play in building an honest society.

I’m going to assume most of us here understand the importance of honesty. But for the sake of building the case, I’ll go through it briefly. It is my belief that honesty is the best policy—not because it is some intangible virtue that somehow earns us karma points in the distant future or the next life. I’d rather be very specific and practical about why honesty is the best policy.

There were countless times in my youth when I thought I could cover something up, that enough time would pass, and I would get away with it. Of course, there were also countless times I got away with saying, “I’ve forgotten my homework book at home”—but that’s a story for a different day. As we get older, people start depending on us, and we have to do our part.

For example, at work: if I haven’t completed that company-wide headcount analysis to identify optimisations through technology, it doesn’t help the team if I lie and say I’ve finished it. Eventually, the day will come when I have to present it to the client. Doing it last-minute will only make the mistakes worse. What would have been far more helpful is being honest that I hadn’t done it. The manager could then allocate resources so we could rush it out together. The work would be better, the client happier, and we would have strengthened our teamwork.

Now, let’s look at the other side of honesty. When someone tells you they are going to do something, is that a truth or a lie? It’s neither. It’s a promise of a certain outcome in the future—one where many factors are at play. And I’m writing this down to remind myself that I have agency in shaping that future.

The more I go about my day hearing people talk about what has happened, is happening, or will happen, the more involved I become in making those things actually happen. So, as the recipient of these potential truths (or promises), am I supposed to simply shrug it off and go about my day? Or should I hold people accountable for what they’ve said?

Most people ignore it. But I’ve come to believe that the more I follow up with people on what they said, the more honest a society I am helping to build.

Why? Because I’m tired of bullshitters in my social circles. Why do we have so many people who like to brag about things that never happened? Because we let them get away with it. I do it too—I exaggerate certain things to make myself look better than I actually am. Secretly, I wish people would call me out on it. But the older we get, the more respect we earn, and the less we get called out for the bullshit we spew. It’s unfortunate, but true.

The best I can do is to start calling other people out. But that doesn’t always make me a “nice” person, and over time I’ve lost more and more social circles—eventually becoming something of a hermit. Well, not really—I still have my family, and that’s enough. But I’m not sure if it’s ideal.

Regardless, I’ve still decided to take ownership of the things other people say—even if, heck, especially if they don’t take their own words seriously. I believe there’s a tipping point we can all help push our communities toward: a point where people stop bullshitting because they know their words will be held accountable. Where we all become more honest with each other because we know our words carry weight.

Warren Buffett once said, “Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.” I say: let’s make everyone rich.