I'm writing for myself. 

The reason for starting this blog was to write for myself (an inspiration from Marcus Aurelius who wrote the 12 books of the Meditations as a source for his own guidance and self-improvement for over 19 years). I have to constantly remind myself of that. 

For the last few months, my mind has been hazy. Despite going through yet another 10-day meditation, my growth was stunted. My writings reflect that over the last few months. 

Yesterday was my first hike since the pandemic. Yes, I organised it for a few of my friends, but being one with nature again revitalised me. I am closer to my true self yet again and my desire to write has returned. 

So why has my growth been stunted? On the 10th day of my meditation course, we were allowed to speak, and we discussed the discipline of continuing to meditate. I openly admitted that I was lazy. But inside, I told myself that because I seek no improvements in myself, I do not need to try so hard since I am satisfied with my progress. 

That should have been a signal. 

As I read less, I got less inspired and I wrote less. It's a simple correlation.