Ning-Jia.com

When do we outgrow our family? Should we outgrow our family? At which point do we consciously cut ties? I believe family is the people we’ve spent our time growing up with. And to them, we owe the comfort of staying in touch— just like I’m genuinely interested in knowing whether you’ve turned out well. Maybe there’s still something I can do to improve your situation. Maybe not. It’s sad to realize that Arthur Fleck’s mother was actually deranged, that Thomas Wayne didn’t have an affair with her, and that it was all a story she cooked up in her head. Yes, there are real stories like that too. Unfortunately, the mind conjures up plenty of fantasies it wants to live in. We want to believe the poor deserve better; we want to believe there’s more the rich can do. But market forces remain the most sustainable way of delivering what’s “deserved.” The more we intervene in systems we don’t fully understand—or lack the perseverance to see through—the more damage we’re likely to cause in the long...

People ask the same questions over and over again despite us already giving an answer, because the answer we gave isn’t what they are looking for. So how do we combat this kind of unawareness? Maybe we should give the answer they want first, just to hook them in—so they feel their question was heard—and then caveat it with what we actually mean. Is that a form of deception? Manipulation? No. It’s influence, because we do want the best for that person. Remember: intention matters most. May all beings be happy.

Year-ends are such a tussle. Battling demotivation, overload, human tensions, etc. just wears me down. On one hand, I don’t want to procrastinate, so I keep pushing tasks out one at a time just to get things done. On the other hand, if I don’t think things through sufficiently—if I don’t give them time for consideration and for new information to surface—I’m not making the best decisions. But how does one balance procrastination versus deliberate consideration? Tough.

From my Ah Gong, stories of joyfulness, strength, and being burdenless. From my Amah, recovery, perseverance, straightforwardness, adaptation, multi-talentedness, being multi-lingual, and always making ends meet despite having so many children. From my 公公, the ability to take it all in and hold it together. That one rare moment of love—buying fireworks for me and playing with me. The stories of him never saying no to money for books. The frustration when kids get distracted from their studies. Education is key to changing one’s life, and therefore the whole generation. From my 婆婆, stories of her placing importance on literacy, and of the respect she garnered in holding the house together. From my father, generosity, hard-working nature, education, adaptation, agency, confidence. From my mother, kindness, agency too, fun and adventures, and a great, enduring social life. From my brother, truth, principle, polymathic talents, and focus. And most of all, my wife, softness. Special mention...

I'm tired of people playing games, being too smart for their own good—invoking 'privacy concerns' one minute, then pushing to overshare the moment I stop caring. Come on guys.. I understand human psychology better than many. There is an innate need to share the truth; suppressing that need hurts you more than it affects anyone else. Personally, I am very comfortable knowing only what is necessary. I’m curious, sure, but only about things that matter. If new information won't change my actions, I’d rather not have it. So go ahead, use privacy as a shield to your own detriment. I won't be asking again.